Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Hello, July! I'm So Not Ready For You…

I have so much to say, but "all of it" is refusing to form into comprehensive sentences. I have so much to do, but the constant lack of concentration (which seems like a permanent disorder already) is getting in my way of starting anything at all.

For the first time, since the Memorial Day weekend (oh, the irony of it actually being "memorial"… It will surely be remembered forever) I finally kicked myself out to the backyard to do some work. The sunburn on my shoulders was the only thing I managed to achieve in two hours I spent outside under the scorching sun. God only knows what I waisted those two hours on! I tend to suspect that lately I've been falling into oblivion a lot without ever noticing it. That is the only logical explanation for all of the unaccountable hours in my days. That is the only logical explanation for today being July 1st. I certainly do not have much recollection of June… 

Waisted hours…Missed days… And all I could wish for is a good night sleep. A solid chunk of sleep without any interruptions or disturbing dreams.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Life Lately…

Life lately has been a roller coaster. But I keep reminding myself that this too shall pass. I kick myself out on a daily basis for long walks. I smile at my babies when there is a reason and when there is not. I treat myself to presents and random pleasant things. I celebrate holidays and embrace weekends. I breath in nature and savor every single minute of this long-awaited summer. I keep capturing as much of nice and cute moments as I can, so when it does actually pass, I am only left with positive mementos on the string of my timeline bracelet.

I just keep on keeping on.

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Monday, June 16, 2014

Music For Mondays: "My Silver Lining" by First Aid Kit

Too much went on in too little time, but "something good comes with the bad"… or as a wise proverb says "you have to break a few eggs to make an omelet". It might be difficult, sometimes even painful, to let go of old habits, but replacing things that were not exactly working in the first place is a necessary and a wise thing to do. 

I'd lie if I say that it didn't cross my mind to send down this blog right into the omelet that is already cooking, but… I've decided to keep this particular egg in the nest for another round or two. This virtual space of mine is not much of an outlet for me, as I'm way too private of a person when it comes to venting out (or maybe I'm just too proud to show the world that I too can be weak and vulnerable). It might be full of "silent holes" and insignificant placeholders, but my perception can still see some sort of a timeline of my feelings and experiences, even if they are covered in a vague disguise of semantic rambling. 

Monday, June 2, 2014

Music For Mondays: "Hold On" by Angus and Julia Stone

There is nothing wrong with handpicking people that will surround you at a certain moment of your life. It has nothing to do with arrogance. It has nothing to do with snobbism. It's all about self-preservation. It's about knowing exactly how fragile and precious the life that you've built for yourself is. And now it's not only about my personal comfort and security, it's about diverting unnecessary energetic clashes away from my children.

"I have the right to do anything," you say--but not everything is beneficial. "I have the right to do anything"--but I will not be mastered by anything. - 1 Corinthians 6:12

No, I'm not tying to bring religion back into my life. Yet, during days like these, my religious past sends me encrypted messages and reinforces what I've always known. I find a great comfort in dipping into that treasure box of  the knowledge that religion gave me during those years spent in a bizarre delusion. That box is full of wisdom that was hard-won by human kind in the attempt of escaping self-extinction that human mind is so well programed for. 

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Music For… Today… "Damage Done" by Moderat

The "Music For Mondays" thing sorta died out among a lot of other things… And today is what? Wednesday? Hmm… it is Wednesday for another half an hour or so… But there is no need for formalities and definitions in this static world. We pretend it's moving and changing, but in reality everything collides into this endless ocean of white noise.

Okay, that's not why I am here… 

I didn't intend to turn this post into another rambling session. The intention was to share some music. 

This songs has been haunting me for about a year. Every time it would give me this sweet, but painful high. You know the kind of high I'm talking about? Terrifying, yet addicting? Soothing, but then annoyingly pinching? The one you want to experience again and again for the reasons you cannot really explain? That's the kind!

I listened to it in headphones over and over again, but could never make out the lyrics from Sascha's sweet German accent. I've hunted the mighty web on quite a few occasions for these lyrics, but have returned empty handed every time. (I guess I was not the only one unable to make them out). 

Then I forgot… About the song. The lyrics. The song came back to me today. Alone came the lyrics… Because timing apparently is a tricky thing. 

Now all I could wish for is the video that would be as bittersweet as the melody itself.

Please, you talented people of the static world, create! I beg of you! I need something to intensify the terror in my high...

Scratch the words with false inspiration
A thorn buried deep in my side
Split lips cracked and parted
Pearly teeth cleft in heart 

I see the damage
I've done
Rip the tongue from my hide
I see the damage
I've done
Rip the tongue from my hide

I go out stare at the sunlight
Until the tears stain in my eyes
Find answers of questions unwanted
Scars to paint from my mind 

Now I see the damage
I've done
Rip the tongue from my hide
Now I see the damage I've done
Rip the tongue from my hide 

(Need so much teaching) 

Now I see the damage
I've done
Rip the tongue from my hide
Now I see the damage
I've done
Rip the tongue from my hide